Balance is the key to serenity.
At an AA meeting this morning the topic of balance was suggested. I have always felt that my life was pretty well balanced. I exercise. I eat well. I have many friends, a great relationship with my husband, and my work life is very satisfying. However, I am also exploring the idea of working less. How would that feel? Must I always be busy? In past years I’d say yes. I needed to be answering the “call” to write and saying yes to all of the invitations I received to facilitate workshops or speak at luncheons or dinners. The idea of cutting back has been uncomfortable. Who would I be if I weren’t writing or “carrying the message” through workshops or seminars?
I have been stymied by these questions, actually. My “purpose” has been to do what I have been doing since my first book was published in 1982. I have often said I’d probably never retire, at least from writing. And that felt sensible. It still does, kind of. But since I completed my last book in November of last year, The Good Stuff, a book detailing the plusses of growing up in a dysfunctional family, I have not begun another one. That’s 10 months without a book in the works. And for me, that’s a big deal! The Good Stuff hasn’t been published yet, but it will be in print in early October and available (already listed on amazon.com), from amazon, bookstores and the publisher: Conari. But I have never sat on the sidelines before. Never. And it feels rather nice. I’m surprised by that.
Surprised and hopeful. I don’t want to “have to work” to feel okay. How many times have I talked about this very topic in my books and workshops? Many, I can assure you and here I am, struggling with it myself. Or I thought I was struggling. Until this morning. And suddenly I feel pretty good about taking this hiatus from my writing life. I have even begun to flirt with the idea of writing nothing more. I am “trying that on” to see how it feels. What I feel is freedom. A good kind of freedom. I don’t have to be driven. I am still the same caring woman whether I’m writing or not. Or giving workshops or not. My purpose is to be: to be kind; to be an expression of love wherever I am; to be forgiving of any “imagined” transgression. My purpose is to appreciate that who I meet has needed to be met by me. Who I listen to has needed to share her/his ideas with me. My so-called job is just to show up in this world as One of God’s loving expressions. That job is as important as any words I have ever written or spoken. How good I feel sharing this with you. How good indeed!