We are always making a choice. Always.

To react or not, that’s the choice when someone is getting under our skin.

Angrily or disgustedly reacting rather than making a conscious choice to act when in the company of a person who is either getting under our skin, dismissing us all together, or being rude or mean-spirited is the default position of many. There are myriad ways to act, to respond to any situation, however.  My years in Al-Anon have given me a handbook of good choices, in fact.  Anger, for instance, is never one of the better ones, even when some one attacks us verbally.  If the attack is physical, there is only one sensible response.  Get out of the vicinity of the attacker immediately.

Because our choices make the difference in the kind of day we will have, let’s review what some of the common but unfortunate choices are.  To begin with, along with anger being a poor one, so is the silent treatment when it is accompanied by sullenness. Let me be clear, however, there is a difference between silence and the silent treatment.  Choosing to say nothing in the face of some one else’s anger or disrespect or behavior that is clearly designed to rile us up is an excellent response.  It may not be appreciated but that’s not of concern to you.  You can only be in charge of you.  No one else.  This is a lesson I have needed to repeat literally thousands of times.  And there is no shame in that.  No shame.  Every day is a new opportunity to become more of the woman I want to be.

Leaving the room, walking away from a situation that looks like a set up for a fight is also a good choice.  If there is a need to say some thing in that moment, and some times there is, why not let it be, “I’d rather discuss this at a later time.”  Or perhaps an even better response is to say, “My opinion is different from yours but we can agree to disagree.”  A gentle response is always an effective one.  Another one I have used frequently that comes to mind is: “I know you are perceiving this situation differently than I see it, and that’s fine.”

The point is be gentle in your response.  A soft voice quiets every situation.  We can have the kind of life we want.  We simply have to decide what life that will be.

Are you ready to take your own inventory?