Detachment is one pathway to peace of mind. . .

I have written often about detachment.  In books, articles and throughout this blog.  It’s of major importance to my life because it’s the key to my own peaceful state of mind.  I want to stress that detachment doesn’t mean not caring about others.  In fact, it means to care enough about others to let them make their own decisions, to live their own lives, even make their own mistakes.

This isn’t easy to do when we first try it.  When I first heard the word, I couldn’t even fathom its ever-so-subtle meaning.  Eventually I gleaned from listening to others that it meant to let go, but I misinterpreted it’s meaning early in my recovery and thought it meant to ignore some one.  That may be a good first step however.  Withdrawing one’s attention from the details of some one else’s life is an effort that simply must be made if peace of mind is desired.

Some times I tell others in workshops to think of detachment as the opposite of “attachment.”  We all know how uncomfortable it can become when we attach ourselves to others, particularly those others who are trying to escape our hold on them.  My past was replete with men bearing claw marks.  I wanted “a relationship partner,” come hell or high water.  And I looked in all the wrong places.

For years I chose all the wrong men.  And then I was introduced to another way of living and seeing the world around me and that way included learning to “detach” from the behaviors of others.  Since that time I have experienced many moments of peace and I never want to revert to the old way of seeing.

If you find yourself interested at this time in living a more peace-filled life, I suggest you begin to practice a few of the habits I daily practice that will lead you to a more “detached way of living.” 1.  Start with simply refusing to be engaged in some one else’s drama.  You need say nothing when faced with one.  Just walk away.  2. Also, make up your mind to not engage in an argument when one presents itself.  Simply smile and say, “You might be right.”  3. Another very good habit is to recognize that some one else’s mood doesn’t have to effect you.  It’s never about you.  It’s always about some thing within them.

There are many habits we can put into practice that will strengthen our resolve to live a more detached, thus peaceful life; but beginning with just these three and making them permanent will amaze you.  It’s worth the effort, I assure you.

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