I had a birthday on Monday and my husband bought me an iPad at my request. Having it for travel, which I do a lot of, makes sense. However, I have been stressed out since getting it home. It’s probably a lot like bringing your first child home from the hospital. I never had children but I am leery of every thing I touch. My shoulders hurt, my head hurts and I am already wondering if it will be the problem solver we bought it to be.
I have to take a break from it. That’s why I am “talking” to you now. Writing is like meditation for me. I am certain that given some time with someone “at the genius bar,” I will be able to breathe a big sigh of relief. Until then, I will play with it delicately, making sure I am not closing too many windows without first thinking about it.
I think I have always been this way with technology. I get nervous. I claim to never worry any more but I realize that’s a lie. I just don’t worry about the things I used to worry about. What you think of me, for instance. As I’ve heard it said in many circles, what you think of me is none of my business. I like that. And I don’t worry abut the work I have been “called to do.” I know when I sit at the computer, the words will come. With no strain. Like right now. And I know that when I stand before an audience to offer a workshop, I will have fun. I will feel no separation between me and them.
Being at ease in my skin is a gift I have acquired with the years I have spent on a spiritual path. Some call it grace. I think we all are privy to it. Why I get stressed out over things I don’t understand is a minor stumbling block. I do know that patience, perhaps the Serenity Prayer, and moving forward slowly as I use this new tool will serve me well.
At last I can breathe deeply knowing that all is well. I do believe that. I do.
That’s a big change from how my life used to feel.
