Prayer is a “staple” of my life. No doubt this is true for many of you too. And “acting as if” is also a staple that I adopted after coming into the fellowship in 1974. It was an amazing tool for a beginner. It’s effectiveness continues to amaze me too. It’s a shortcut that can transport us from one state of mind to another, a shortcut I have relied on for years, and I have to exercise this long-held belief once again.
I have revealed to you in more than one blog of late that my own state of mind has been troubled. Nothing negative has happened in my life. I have no health problems, no relationship problems, no work related problems either. In fact, my work brings me intense joy, as does my marriage and many friendships. What, then, is at the root of this continuing ennui?
I have not failed to pray. Nor have I isolated. My meeting attendance hasn’t changed. I generally go to 5 meetings a week: two AA and three Al-Anon. But I still find myself in a hole that is not getting any shallower. Not actually deeper but no shallower either.
I shared my struggle at the meeting this morning. Of course I got many hugs after the meeting and a number of other women shared similar circumstances in their lives. How alike we are. Indeed.
What I am trying to remember and practice right now is that a time like this makes praying for others even more of a necessity. Prayer simply changes us. It softens us, making us more accessible to others; making us more aware of the closeness of God; making us humble and willing to let God in. As my loving mother-in-law said so many times before she passed, “If it feels like God has moved away, regroup. God never moves. We do.” Amen
Having this blog to go to, having meetings where I can be me, having a loving husband who shares my path and friends who stand with me makes the ennui tolerable. I am getting through this. Now. I am assured of the relief that I know is on the way. God’s grace is as close as my next thought. We are so lucky, you and I, to have a fellowship that lifts us up when our own mind works against us.
I feel so lucky that I can reach out to all of you. Thanks for being there.
