Helping others is how we help ourselves. . .

There is no truer suggestion offered to us in recovery rooms than the above.  I didn’t get it when I came into the fellowship in 1974.  I didn’t understand why other women reached out to me.  I didn’t understand that “to keep what one had, it had to be given away.”  That went against everything I had ever been taught to believe.  My family wasn’t selfish, at least I didn’t think so; but they certainly didn’t believe that giving what one had to others assured us of keeping it too.

My confusion then was because I thought only in terms of material possessions, and if you gave a favorite item away, it was lost to you.  Ever so slowly I began to see that the material world wasn’t the world that was favored by these new friends in the fellowship.  While it was true that certain “possessions” might be necessary: for instance, a place to live, clothes to wear, food to eat; and yet, any one of them can be lacking for a time and one’s life continues.  But I’m getting away from my point.  What we offer to others, in the way of help or support or prayers actually improves our own lives too.  That’s the principle I’m sharing here.  Giving those “gifts” to others, doubles them in our own lives too.

This is on my mind today because one of my dearest friends received her six months chip in AA this morning.  I first met Carol in the early 80’s, after she had attempted recovery myriad times already.  She would put a few months together and go out again.  This had been her pattern dozens of times already.  For some unknown reason, this time, after I met her, I “hung on to her.”  I didn’t want her to get away, to die, when I sensed she had so much love in her heart for so many.

The remarkable thing about Carol was that she never completely gave up on herself.  In the more than 30 years I have known her, I’ve watched her fall over and over and get up.  And fall again but never did she stay down.  Her 38 years of trying has once again paid off.  Watching her get a 6 month chip today gave all of us a moment’s pause.  She may have fewer days of recovery than the majority of the people who go to that meeting; but she doesn’t have any less heart.  I’d venture to say she has more.  Every day of her life she relishes the love of her grandchildren.  She relishes being able to contribute on her job.  She relishes just the mere fact of waking up sober.

She is done with the old life, she says, and I can feel pretty certain she means it this time.  She got good and tired of being sick and tired.  She got good and tired of having to look all of us in the eyes, knowing our disappointment.  Being back, really back, is her way of helping us now.  What we gave to her she is giving back tenfold.  That’s how it works.  Aren’t we a lucky group?  Indeed, we are not a glum lot!