Surrendering to what is . . .

My life has markedly improved since embracing the idea of surrendering to the uncontrollable, (and all things separate from me are uncontrollable by me) rather than insisting my opinions, my way of doing any task, my outlook on life, particularly on how others should see life too, are the only reasonable choices. As Marianne says in the above quote, something amazing indeed does happen when we give up or give in, when we let go and release. “Stepping aside,” letting what is, be, rather than bulldozing our way over or through the situations that have drawn our attention, allows life to flow smoothly forward.

I never saw surrender in a positive way in my family of origin. Never. My father was ALWAYS RIGHT! No matter what the conversation entailed; no matter who was involved in the conversation, there were no compromises to be made if he was part of the conversation. As I have said in other chapters and in other books too, his life was ruled by fear and fear made him insistent on being the authority no matter what the situation or topic of discussion was. Growing up this way wasn’t fun. It didn’t inspire creative discourse, nor did it model how best to get along in the larger world. Unfortunately, we do take outside of the home what we observed in the home, so for many years I mimicked him in my encounters with friends and even strangers. As a result, I wasn’t all that fun to be around.

It has been a long, oftentimes arduous journey traveling from there to here, but the peace I now feel on a daily basis is the gift of learning there is and always was another way to navigate through life, a way that was far more accommodating to the soul, mine and everyone else’s too.

It was my own dark struggle with alcohol, drugs and men that ultimately led me to this place of peace on a daily installment. There can be a silver lining in every experience. My life is proof of that. I won’t say I didn’t stub my toes many times getting here. Change is never easy. And I had to change absolutely everything! Nor is it even appealing when we first attempt it. When you think there is only one way to see life, your way, the resistance to change can be daunting. Incrementally it began to happen, however. And with each tiny change, I could see the pay-offs mounting.