Honoring our friends when they are still alive. . .

This past Saturday, the Casey clan and their spouses gathered at the Credit River Cemetery in Prior Lake, MN, to honor my husband’s parents on what would have been his father’s 100th year.  It was a truly special gathering with wonderful memories and much laughter being expressed by cousins, children, in-laws and friends from far and wide.

Jim Casey had been a pillar in the Credit River Community.  He built a housing edition especially designed for first time buyers in Credit River Township and then helped most of them get into those houses by allowing them to work off their down payments.  He was a real “stand-up” kind of man, many of them said as they honored him.  And they were quick to mention too that without his generosity they would never have been able to purchase a home.  I’m so proud to have married into the family.

Following that marvelous event, one that I’m certain both Jim and Ruth appreciated from “the other side,” we celebrated Joe’s 70th birthday Saturday night.  And again, at the suggestion of one of Joe’s dearest friends, we all took a turn and shared a story or two about Joe and the impact he had had on our lives.  It was an awesome two hours and Joe was uncharacteristically speechless, humbled and tearfully moved by the words of his friends.  His experience convinced me that we should all be the recipients of a public showing of appreciation.  Waiting for the funeral of our loved ones to honor them is too late.

This was not the first time I had experienced the profound impact this kind of public acknowledgment had on the heart and soul of a person.  I was blessed by watching a similar showing of affection for my mother on her 80th birthday.  It took place at the home of my sister in Indiana, and I had suggested we do it after some of my friends had surprised me with a similar “ritual” on my 50th birthday.  I explained to the family how it could work.  Every one quickly got “on-board.”  We passed a loving memento around the circle we had formed and invited her to sit in the center.  We then took turns expressing our love and appreciation for her role as our mother, or aunt, grandmother, or sister and finally wife.  She wept and smiled through her tears.  And thanked us for our love.

I was convinced, at the end of the ritual, that she had never felt truly and unconditionally loved. Whether she ever doubted our love after that I don’t know but I am certain the experience was one of her most treasured until the day she died.

Doing this for others would take so little.  Some planning.  Some recollecting.  And then some willingness to put others before us.  The beauty of doing it is that we are blessed in the process. Giving a blessing of any kind to some one else always reverberates back to the sender.

Are you game?