Detachment is the way to unconditional love. . .
I just returned from a four day workshop on “detachment” that I offered at the Dan Anderson Renewal Center at Hazelden Foundation in Center City, MN. What a powerful week end for me, exhausting in a good way. And what an incredibly open, loving group were present for it. You don’t always have a group of twenty-five who can allow themselves to be as vulnerable as these men and women were. There were tears, for sure; moments of confusion, angst over situations beyond one’s control at home, lots of frustration and fear too about the primary question: “What if I apply these principles and nothing changes?” Or, “What if things get worse?”
Detachment is one of my favorite topics. That’s no doubt why it has been at the very core of a number of my books over the years. It’s value to our lives is immeasurable. I am certainly no newcomer to the concept. Even after 35 years on the recovery path, I have to practice one of the many principles of detachment dozens of times a day. It’s still not my “default position.”
It’s so easy to get into some one else’s business. I heard in Al-Anon many years ago that there were two kinds of business: my business and none of my business. That’s the kind of slogan we should all live by. It would certainly improve the relationships in most families, most companies, most encounters of any kind. What a simple bit of short-hand. And so accessible.
But detachment is more than just minding your own business. It’s also making the decision to truly celebrate the right of every person to have their own journey. Of course, this takes remembering that every person has his or her own Higher Power as the comforting guide on that journey.
That idea didn’t resonate with me very well when I was first introduced to it, but that’s because I had not yet heard enough stories from others about how their “God” had saved them from a tragedy that was simply waiting to happen. I was then able to see how the same had been true for me so many times.
We simply must let others travel their own path. If we don’t, we miss our own journey and the lessons that are waiting for us and we prevent those others we encounter from experiencing the growth they deserve so very much too. Not being any one’s God, not even our own, removes a huge, very unnecessary burden from us. It’s time to take a deep breath and be glad for the freedom.
Have you turned some one over to God yet today?
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