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Karen Casey

Circle of Family and Friends - You and Your Personal Community
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August 22, 2010

To embrace detachment is the only pathway to peaceful relationships.

For decades I danced around the lives of others, generally as a way of seeking attention and approval.  When others failed to acknowledge me or if they criticized me, I was devastated, certain that I was soon to be rejected.  What a sorry mess my life was for more than three decades.  Alcohol relieved the angst up to a point but not forever.  Thank goodness.  As I have said in other blogs, revealing so much about myself may seem foolish to some who are reading this but I believe that sharing our vulnerabilities is what helps every one of us heal.

My introduction to the concept of detachment happened in an Al-Anon meeting in Minneapolis in 1974.  I’m not certain they even used that word but they did talk about not letting what others do affect you.  And even though I had come across this idea in a book in 1971, I thought the idea was a bit ludicrous and unachievable.  I simply could not and would not ignore all those people who were driving me crazy or causing me to doubt myself.  I was sure they needed my suggestions regarding every aspect of their lives.  Of course my suggestions had never done any thing but escalate the tension that existed nearly every where I was, but try I must.  Or so I felt.

How glad I have been for the last 35 years that I never quit seeking the guidance and the solace found in the rooms of Al-Anon.  I’m convinced that most of us attend our first meeting in a state of insanity.  After all, it is insane, some say, to keep doing the same thing again and again, expecting a different outcome. And that’s what we did in the case of family members we hoped to change, or bosses, or friends.  Even strangers.

Practicing detachment fairly successfully, as I have done for the last twenty years, has done more to change my level of contentment than any other tool I have learned to apply since coming into the recovery rooms, with the exception of admitting my alcoholism and stopping drinking in 1976. Detachment allows any one who relies on it as a practice to live a life peacefully unencumbered by the ups and downs of others.  Their behavior becomes their business.  Their treatment of us or others is recognized as a sign of how they feel about themselves, not us.

We can learn to recognize them as great learning opportunities for us to become accomplished at a practice that can and does change every encounter we have with any one throughout the day.  Isn’t it amazing how those very situations we thought we’d never be able to handle become the very blessings that in due time make our lives peaceful and so worth embracing.

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karencasey

I am an author, a lecturer, and a workshop presenter. I have presented programs throughout the United States, Canada, Mexico, Germany, and Ireland. As of July, 2010 I have published 23 books, with number 24 being released in spring of 2011 and a memoir underway. For a listing of my books and ordering information, go to www.womens-spirituality.com. To contact me about presenting a program in your area, call 239-398-6327 or e-mail me from my web site or at jcasey4991@aol.com

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    • karencasey
      Dale Rodriquez
      November 24, 2010

      Yes, I will write more about detachment. It’s one of my favorite topics and my newest book, in fact. Look for it on amazon: Let Go Now: Embracing Detachment. 200 essays on detachment.
      Karen

      Reply
  • Brian Peterson
    November 13, 2010

    I don’t even know how I got here, but I thought this post was pretty good. Cheers!

    Reply
    • karencasey
      Brian Peterson
      November 14, 2010

      I’m not sure how you found me either but I’m glad you did. Keep checking out my website: http://www.womens-spirituality.com for new blogs on the home page.
      Karen

      Reply
  • wifelovers
    November 13, 2010

    Hey there. I would like to let you know that when I view your posts on my ipod touch the page displays very weird. It’s very wide. I believe this is a simple fix. Otherwise great blog! I’ve bookmarked it.

    Reply
    • karencasey
      wifelovers
      November 14, 2010

      I don’t know why it might do that. I’m no techie, only a writer. Thanks so much for writing.
      Karen

      Reply
  • Susan
    November 11, 2010

    Interesting blog, not like the others!

    Reply
  • Susan
    November 11, 2010

    Interesting blog, not like the others!

    Reply
    • karencasey
      Susan
      November 14, 2010

      Thanks, I hope to make them all interesting.
      Karen

      Reply
  • zoo world cheats
    November 11, 2010

    A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.

    Reply
    • karencasey
      zoo world cheats
      November 14, 2010

      I love this comment of yours. Should be a bumper sticker!!
      Karen

      Reply
  • universal card
    November 11, 2010

    Best wishes for a incredibly very clear and handy submit. I am positively a violator of lots of these guidelines. I generally find me personally conflicted when producing a blog put up because I see personally writing more than folks prefer to go through, but I experience that I really need to do the subject matter justice by totally protecting it. I truly feel that by pursuing a few of these policies I conclude up decreasing out valuable aspects for the dialogue. I guess you have to identify a stability.

    Reply
    • karencasey
      universal card
      November 14, 2010

      You have made many comments and I’m grateful for all of them.
      Karen

      Reply
  • therma cuts anna mucha
    November 7, 2010

    You post informative posts. Bookmarked !

    Reply
    • karencasey
      therma cuts anna mucha
      November 10, 2010

      Im thrilled that you have bookmarked me. Stay tuned.
      Karen

      Reply
  • 泳鏡
    October 16, 2010

    Beneficial Blog! I had been simply just debating that there are plenty of screwy results at this issue you now purely replaced my personal belief. Thank you an excellent write-up.

    Reply
    • karencasey
      泳鏡
      October 17, 2010

      Thanks so much for your show of support.
      Karen

      Reply
  • lori mcleod
    September 28, 2010

    I have come to really appreciate your website and your teachings. Thanks you so much for sharing so openly.

    Reply
    • karencasey
      lori mcleod
      September 30, 2010

      Hi Lori,
      It’s because of receiving comments from people like you that encourages me to continue being open and honest.
      Love to you,
      Karen

      Reply
  • mark
    August 25, 2010

    Hopefully as we are less attached or detached we will also focus less on ourselves and no longer worry about being hurt or liked and just settle into the present, seeing all anew and full of love.

    Reply
    • karencasey
      mark
      August 30, 2010

      I am so glad you are a follower, Mark. Your connection is so healing to me.
      Peace to you always.
      Karen

      Reply

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