The first three decades of my life, fear dogged me constantly because I was always trying to be what I imagined some one else wanted me to be.\u00a0 Or the converse; rebelling against the expectations of others.\u00a0 The love I sought felt conditional so my behavior was always a reaction to some one.\u00a0 Letting others define us, or determine our thoughts or behavior in any situation, never results in a life free of fear.\u00a0 Unfortunately, this had become my well practiced habit from childhood on, but in 1971, while teaching a writing class at the University of Minnesota, I read a book by John Powell: WHY AM I AFRAID TO TELL YOU WHO I AM, that gently planted a seed for a very different perception, one I knew had the ring of truth to it.<\/p>\n
Powell spoke of his friendship with Sidney Harris, a New York journalist, and their frequent early morning strolls down the busy streets of the city.\u00a0 They often stopped to buy a paper from a vender, generally the same one every morning.\u00a0 While Harris was always friendly to the man, tipping him without fail, the man was gruff and ungrateful, morning after morning.\u00a0 Powell finally asked, \u201cWhy are you kind to some one who is so rude?\u201d\u00a0 Harris\u2018 answer definitely got my attention.\u00a0 \u201cWhy should I let him decide what kind of day I am going to have?\u201d\u00a0 I realized at that very moment that I had a lifetime of experiences where I had allowed my behavior to be controlled by others and not one experience that I could recall where it reflected who I wanted to be.<\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t until I had been in twelve step meetings for some time that I developed the capacity to be the woman I actually wanted to be and, I believe, was meant to be.\u00a0 I had to commit to a daily practice of turning my life and my will over to the God of my understanding and I also had to practice the simple, but ever so wise, principles for living a life uncluttered and unaffected<\/em><\/strong> by the myriad opinions of the others I walked among.\u00a0 Finally, I was able to adopt the words of Sidney Harris as a guideline I could live comfortably with.\u00a0 Finally.<\/p>\n It\u2019s with great relief that I can say to others that their journey need not be as bumpy as mine was.\u00a0 From my own experiences I have discerned many tiny shortcuts that are certain to open the door to peaceful, fearless relationships.\u00a0 There is no earthly reason for others to struggle when they might benefit from what I learned.\u00a0 That\u2019s been the purpose for most of what I have written over the years.\u00a0 What follows are a few simple suggestions that I know, if applied, will change every relationship you have.<\/p>\n Be kind in every instance no matter what<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Give up trying to change another person.\u00a0 Simply honor them.<\/p>\n Do no harm.<\/p>\n Before speaking, ask yourself if what you are about to say improves upon the silence.<\/p>\n Remember that every person in one\u2019s life is there for a reason.<\/p>\n No disagreement requires resolution.<\/p>\n Recognize the fear behind all attacks.\u00a0 Respond to them all with love.<\/p>\n Pray daily.\u00a0 Even when you\u2019d rather not.<\/p>\n Every lesson we are here to learn is offered within a relationship.<\/p>\n Judging others keeps us stuck and fearful.<\/p>\n There is so much each one of us can do for the betterment of all humankind.\u00a0 I hope that you are inspired to choose one of these suggestions as a place to begin changing your life.\u00a0 As we change, so do those who look to us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The first three decades of my life, fear dogged me constantly because I was always trying to be what I imagined some one else wanted me to be.\u00a0 Or the converse; rebelling against the expectations of others.\u00a0 The love I sought felt conditional so my behavior was always a reaction to some one.\u00a0 Letting others […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[25,37,55,58,81,87,124],"class_list":["post-379","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-what-i-believe-you-and-your-higher-power","tag-anxiety","tag-blueprint-for-living","tag-daily-practice","tag-despair","tag-fear","tag-freedom-from-fear","tag-joining"],"yoast_head":"\n