I am often not who I want to be in the relationship that is the dearest to me. \u00a0And it’s a pattern I am struggling to change. \u00a0At last night’s AA meeting we discussed “taking it home,” meaning being as kind at home to our loved ones as we are to those who are dear to our hearts in 12 step rooms. \u00a0I have said for years that I am aware of my failure in this respect. \u00a0And I have repeatedly said I want to change this. \u00a0But wanting to doesn’t complete the job.<\/p>\n
I have written multiple books about this topic, some aspect of this topic. \u00a0Our relationships are why we are here, and particularly those intimate ones are with our primary teachers. \u00a0I know that, and I respect that. \u00a0I also don’t expect any relationship to be smooth all of the time. \u00a0But I am well aware that the criticism I far too often make in the relationships that mean the most to me are not who I want to be. \u00a0It’s time to step back. \u00a0Way back and seek a deeper understanding of why I have fallen into this pattern.<\/p>\n
For sure I can’t blame any one else for my shortcomings, even though I’d like to say but you did so and so first. \u00a0Hogwash. \u00a0Any behavior by any one else has no power to control my responses, my actions in any instance. \u00a0Back in 1971 I learned that lesson in a profound way in a book by John Powell. \u00a0Powell and his friend were talking about the behavior of a third party who was rude and dismissive. \u00a0Powell was shocked that his friend continued to be nice to the rude man. \u00a0His friend said, and I quote, “Why should I let him decide what kind of day I am going to have?”<\/p>\n
I was dumbstruck. \u00a0I had always allowed others to define me, to determine my actions, and until that moment didn’t even see that that was what I was doing. \u00a0And here it is 44 years later and I still want to make someone else responsible for my actions. \u00a0I truly am ashamed to admit this in such a public forum but perhaps facing it this openly will get my attention. \u00a0I know I am capable of being, at home, the person my friends see at meetings and in social settings. \u00a0I feel desperate to be that person, in fact. \u00a0There is no time like the present to begin fulfilling this commitment to be the better self who lives within me.<\/p>\n
I’ll pray for your efforts if you will pray for mine. \u00a0What do you say?<\/p>\n
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I am often not who I want to be in the relationship that is the dearest to me. \u00a0And it’s a pattern I am struggling to change. \u00a0At last night’s AA meeting we discussed “taking it home,” meaning being as kind at home to our loved ones as we are to those who are dear […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3425","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-karens-musings"],"yoast_head":"\n