In a response I received from an earlier post, a request was made for my thoughts on boundaries. \u00a0This topic has been rolling around in my mind ever since. \u00a0I’ve found myself questioning what it is that I really believe. \u00a0What does my own behavior reflect?<\/p>\n
It’s a word that I use often, particularly when talking to sponsees or other friends. \u00a0You hear the word in 12 step meetings quite often. \u00a0Establishing good boundaries, i.e.., lines not to be crossed<\/em>, when it comes to certain people, subjects or activities, makes for an honest interchange of ideas and more peaceful relationships. \u00a0Feelings are spared when each person understands the “rules of the game.” \u00a0And personal boundaries clearly are “personal rules.”<\/p>\n I think it’s easiest to think of boundaries within the context of codependency. \u00a0Perhaps a simple definition of codependency will serve as clarification. \u00a0Not everyone defines it the same. \u00a0The definition that fits for me is this: allowing the behavior of any one else define how I feel or think or act is codependency<\/strong><\/em>. \u00a0Unfortunately, I can’t claim complete freedom from codependency even now, even after years of writing about it, lecturing about it, practicing the tools of freedom from it. \u00a0Codependency is as insidious as any other addiction. \u00a0And I mean it when I call it an addiction. \u00a0We make a habit of it, a bad habit. \u00a0A very bad habit.<\/strong> \u00a0And it damages relationships. \u00a0Every day.<\/p>\n Understanding what is one’s business and what is not one’s business is clear evidence that boundaries are being honored. \u00a0A good friend of mine in Al-Anon says, and I quote: THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF BUSINESS. \u00a0MY BUSINESS AND NONE OF MY BUSINESS.<\/strong> \u00a0I laughed the first time I heard him say it. \u00a0And I’ve laughed every other time too. \u00a0It so clearly defines boundaries. \u00a0It so clearly points in the direction of codependency. \u00a0It makes the question one must ask before interfering obvious. \u00a0Staying on your own side of the street honors the boundaries of your loved ones. \u00a0The colleagues and strangers in your life too.<\/p>\n I am able to respect the boundaries of nearly everyone in my life. \u00a0However, when it comes to the “teacher” who is most dear to me, my husband, I fail on a regular basis. \u00a0At least once a day I have to fight off making an unnecessary, UNWANTED, \u00a0very codependent comment. \u00a0And far too often, I lose the battle. \u00a0My remorse is sincere and then the following day, I react once again where and when it is clearly none of my business. \u00a0I am so thankful that he and I both believe that our coming together was divinely intended. \u00a0Otherwise, we might not have weathered the storms of our relationship.<\/p>\n We are here, you and I, to learn lessons. \u00a0And these lessons will be offered us again and again, until we need them no more. \u00a0 I do believe that I am always where I need to be. \u00a0And I do believe that my experiences are intentional. \u00a0I do believe, however, that the timeline of the mastery of my “lessons,” is for me to determine. \u00a0And I am a bit slow on the uptake. \u00a0I’m glad we are on the cusp of a new year. \u00a0I already know my first resolution.<\/p>\n PS: Happy holidays. \u00a0Offer an unexpected kindness to a stranger before this day ends.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" In a response I received from an earlier post, a request was made for my thoughts on boundaries. \u00a0This topic has been rolling around in my mind ever since. \u00a0I’ve found myself questioning what it is that I really believe. \u00a0What does my own behavior reflect? It’s a word that I use often, particularly when […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[4,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3393","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-circle-of-family-and-friends-you-and-your-personal-community","category-reflections-in-the-mirror-you-and-yourself"],"yoast_head":"\n