I didn\u2019t grow up in a \u201cfaith-filled\u201d home.\u00a0 I never observed any one at 827 being quietly peaceful, trusting that the experiences we were sharing would work out OK.\u00a0 The days and nights were generally very tense, undergirded with the expectation that an outburst over something, large or small, imagined even, might occur at any moment.\u00a0 And usually did.\u00a0 Night after night the feeling present at the supper table mimicked the feeling at lunch.\u00a0 Tension was served and felt with each bite.\u00a0 Our family doctor, Dr. Cole, told my mother that I had a nervous stomach.\u00a0 What I really had was extreme anxiety that made eating nearly impossible some nights.\u00a0 Living in my home was hard.\u00a0 Peace was something I could never have defined. Tension was all I knew.\u00a0 Tension defined all six of us.<\/p>\n
I did have a place I loved to be though and that was in Logansport with my grandparents.\u00a0 My grandmother had a quiet presence about her.\u00a0 No wonder I loved to visit them.\u00a0 Her comforting words and arms and smiles would temporarily convince me that everything was OK.\u00a0 When I thought about home when I was with her, my stomach would twist and turn.\u00a0 I hated to feel, even from afar, the tension at home.\u00a0 I feared it would never change.\u00a0 And as a matter of fact, it never did.\u00a0 Not even with the passage of time.\u00a0 Tension was as fresh in my parents old age as when they were young.\u00a0 How tragic, really.<\/p>\n
Tension is hard on all of us.\u00a0 No matter our age.\u00a0 But we choose the feeling, as strange as that may seem.\u00a0 Unfortunately, we seldom understand how and when we made that choice.\u00a0 Certainly I didn\u2019t know I had chosen it.\u00a0 We do imitate that which we observe, however.\u00a0 And my times with my grandmother were simply too short for me to adapt to her way of living and seeing the world.<\/p>\n
For many who grew up in environments like mine, leaving home, choosing to be surrounded by new philosophies, new people, new opportunities, became necessary in order to catch a glimpse of a life free from tension.\u00a0 And that glimpse didn\u2019t come very quickly for me.\u00a0 It took a few years, a few bad relationships, one painful marriage and multiple suicide considerations before I was solidly awakened to a better choice, a saner perspective, a softer kinder feeling within.\u00a0 What brought me to this new experience of faith, this place of wellbeing, was two decades of near constant alcohol and drug use that could have ended my life.\u00a0 But I reached that new place.\u00a0 I arrived at the saner, faith-filled place with the help of friends who had been sent to make sure I\u2019d arrive and the \u201cplace\u201d had a name; it was called, Alcoholics Anonymous.<\/p>\n
How did you get to your “faith-filled” place? \u00a0Are you helping others find their own place too?<\/p>\n
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I didn\u2019t grow up in a \u201cfaith-filled\u201d home.\u00a0 I never observed any one at 827 being quietly peaceful, trusting that the experiences we were sharing would work out OK.\u00a0 The days and nights were generally very tense, undergirded with the expectation that an outburst over something, large or small, imagined even, might occur at any […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[10,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3194","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reflections-in-the-mirror-you-and-yourself","category-what-i-believe-you-and-your-higher-power"],"yoast_head":"\n