I began the practice of \u201cstepping aside\u201d only after years of stepping into <\/i><\/b>business that was clearly not my own.\u00a0 I had mistakenly assumed that helping others make their decisions was an important \u201ccalling.\u201d\u00a0 It showed them I cared.\u00a0 It was my way of remaining important to them.\u00a0 Or so I thought.<\/p>\n
From childhood on I had virtually always felt on the edge of abandonment.\u00a0 By girlfriends.\u00a0 By boyfriends.\u00a0 By husbands.\u00a0 Thus I felt the constant pull to live \u201cin the middle\u201d of everyone else\u2019s life.\u00a0 That way they couldn\u2019t forget about me.\u00a0 They couldn\u2019t go off, leaving me behind, the way Marcia, my best friend in the sixth grade, left me behind when she chose to ride her bike off with Mary after school rather than waiting for me to join them.\u00a0 It stung.\u00a0 It happened again and again.\u00a0 And I carried the fear it would continue to define my life well into my thirties.<\/p>\n
The joy I experience now, having finely put to rest the fear of abandonment nearly forty years ago, still remains one of the triumphs of my life.\u00a0 Perhaps this seems like a strange triumph, at least one not worth crowing over, but it\u2019s huge to someone\u00a0 like me.\u00a0 Some one who simply had no boundaries between herself and literally everyone else.\u00a0\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t until 1971, in fact, that I even had a glimmering of what I was doing.\u00a0 What I had always done, in fact, in the presence of others.<\/p>\n
What jarred me into a new perspective was a passage in a book by Jesuit Priest, John Powell.\u00a0 The book was Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am<\/i><\/b>.\u00a0 On page 38 of the edition I was reading a truth rang out, louder than a train whistle.\u00a0 Powell shares a story with the reader about an experience he had while walking in New York City with a good friend.\u00a0 The friend stopped to buy a newspaper from a street corner vender, a stop he made daily and one that Powell observed him make myriad times.\u00a0 The vender was always gruff and never said thanks for the generous tip his friend always offered him.\u00a0 Powell, in exasperation, finally asked, \u201cWhy do you give him a tip?\u00a0 He is not worthy of one.\u00a0 He is rude to you.\u201d\u00a0 His friend quietly replied, \u201cWhy should I let him decide what kind of day I am going to have.\u201d<\/p>\n
I knew, instantly, this explanation was the key that I could use to unlock the shuttered house I had lived in for so many years.\u00a0 I still remember the awareness I had, as though it was yesterday, that my life could change immediately if I utilized this \u201cnugget\u201d of information as a guideline for my own relationships.\u00a0 However, we often have to hear a message many times before we can actually adopt it as a tool we can apply to situations that we experience.\u00a0 The seed had been planted, nonetheless.\u00a0 Although it lay dormant for years,\u00a0 it was never forgotten.\u00a0 Never.<\/p>\n
Dancing around the many others in my life, seeking both attention and any opportunity to choreograph the experience for all who were present, was my life\u2019s work.\u00a0 Or so I thought.\u00a0 Allowing others to create their own dance was far too frightening for me.\u00a0 What if they selected a partner other then me?<\/p>\n
And then I began to see life from a different perspective. \u00a0I learned the value of stepping aside. \u00a0I rejoiced, truly rejoiced about the freedom I felt, a freedom I had never known before, a freedom I was no longer willing to give up. \u00a0Life, now, is a joy. \u00a0Stepping aside has made it possible. \u00a0Perhaps you will want to consider trying this exercise too.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I began the practice of \u201cstepping aside\u201d only after years of stepping into business that was clearly not my own.\u00a0 I had mistakenly assumed that helping others make their decisions was an important \u201ccalling.\u201d\u00a0 It showed them I cared.\u00a0 It was my way of remaining important to them.\u00a0 Or so I thought. From childhood on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3183","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-circle-of-family-and-friends-you-and-your-personal-community"],"yoast_head":"\n