I am very grateful that I eventually learned I didn\u2019t have to respond to every thing that was said.\u00a0 Or even any thing that was said.\u00a0 The decision to say nothing, regardless of the inclination to be engaged, was a mere thought away.\u00a0 I only wish I had learned it sooner.\u00a0 Fortunately I did learn it before my father died.\u00a0 The last few years of his life were far more peaceful for both of us.\u00a0 His ways didn\u2019t change very much and that didn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 Mine did and it only takes one to \u201cquit the dance\u201d for it to end.<\/p>\n
Not having to respond to the behavior of others, any of the behavior, is remarkably freeing.\u00a0 A huge burden is lifted every time we choose silence.\u00a0 Celebrating our powerlessness over others is a learned choice.\u00a0 At least it was for me.\u00a0 My natural inclination had always been to strike back. The true blessing in this choice is that it empowers us.\u00a0 Doing nothing empowers us!\u00a0 I was immensely surprised to discover this.<\/p>\n
As I\u2019ve heard so many times in Al-Anon, there are two kinds of business; \u201cmy\u201d business and none of \u201cmy\u201d business.\u00a0 Choosing which is yours to attend to, and limiting your choice to only<\/b> that one<\/b>, changes how every minute feels. Not having to wonder about getting involved releases the tension that so commonly accompanies us on our journey.\u00a0 What great shorthand this is for living one day, one minute at a time.<\/p>\n
Have you ever practiced making this choice between the two kinds of business?\u00a0 I try to do it every day.\u00a0 It\u2019s truly a simple question and the answer is always quite obvious.\u00a0 For instance, if your friend calls, angry over some thing that happened to her on the job or even with her spouse at home, you don\u2019t have to make it your business to tell her what she should do.\u00a0 Listening, being a witness to her pain, is all that\u2019s ever \u201crequired.\u201d\u00a0 And it\u2019s not even required, of course, but having a friend to listen to our woes, as long as we don\u2019t dwell on them and live encumbered by them for days on end, is helpful and kind.<\/p>\n
Another good example is choosing to take a back seat, and remaining quiet, rather than taking sides in an argument between friends.\u00a0 Even if one or other of the friends wants to engage us in taking their side in the disagreement, wisdom dictates silence.\u00a0 We will not help them or ourselves by picking the \u201cright\u201d solution to a disagreement that is clearly none of our business.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d like for you to take a few moments now to think about the most recent times you got involved in the business of others. \u00a0 \u00a0How did it make you feel?<\/i><\/b>\u00a0<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am very grateful that I eventually learned I didn\u2019t have to respond to every thing that was said.\u00a0 Or even any thing that was said.\u00a0 The decision to say nothing, regardless of the inclination to be engaged, was a mere thought away.\u00a0 I only wish I had learned it sooner.\u00a0 Fortunately I did learn […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[10,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3144","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reflections-in-the-mirror-you-and-yourself","category-what-i-believe-you-and-your-higher-power"],"yoast_head":"\n