How I saw myself and how I felt were in the hands of others for the better part of the first four decades of my life. \u00a0I “danced” around the actions and the opinions of every one, desperately trying to be accepted and not rejected. \u00a0What had made me that way is likely owing to many things. \u00a0I wasn’t raised in a household where love was freely expressed, not between my parents or toward us four kids. \u00a0I’m convinced, now that I’ve matured and have thirty-five years of recovery under my belt, that my parents felt unworthy thus couldn’t pass on what they really hadn’t been able to claim for themselves.<\/p>\n
They were certainly good people and did the best they could. \u00a0It’s with great relief that I say they parted this world feeling very loved by me. \u00a0In some significant ways their behavior hadn’t changed much, but I wasn’t glued to what they did or didn’t do as the cause of how I felt or acted. \u00a0How freeing it is to simply make one’s own choice about how to see every detail of life and the multiplicity of people who have entered our “circle” for a day, an hour, a week or a lifetime. \u00a0Some aren’t meant to stay forever. \u00a0But every one who “visits” is on a divine appointment. \u00a0Isn’t that a delicious idea?<\/p>\n
If taking charge of how you might feel or respond to every experience seems daunting to you, remember that you have a lot of help, both the unseen kind and the helpers in skin whom you can call upon when trying to interpret what your reaction could best be in a situation. \u00a0What works well for me is to simply attempt kindness in every situation. \u00a0I have shared in public settings and in a couple of books a great story by the Dalai Lama that defines pretty carefully the best response to any person or experience. \u00a0Here’s the story:<\/p>\n
The Dalai Lama was invited to be the after dinner speaker at a prestigious fund-raiser in California a few years ago. \u00a0Following dinner he was introduced and he stood quietly behind the podium for a few minutes and then said, “In this life you have one job and it’s to love one another.” \u00a0Following those words, he stepped away from the podium. \u00a0The audience was immediately uncomfortable. \u00a0They didn’t know whether to clap or laugh. And then the Dalai Lama returned to the podium and a sigh of relief could be heard throughout the auditorium. \u00a0This time he simply and quietly said, “And if you can’t love one another, at least don’t hurt one another.” \u00a0And then he walked off the stage. People were stunned but the message was heard loud and clear.<\/p>\n
I think of that story often when I’m in a situation where I feel dismissed or worse. \u00a0I can choose to walk away, \u00a0with love in my heart for the other person knowing that he or she was simply projecting on to me how they feel about themselves, or I can retaliate. \u00a0The choice is clear. \u00a0I want to be in charge of my feelings and my behavior. \u00a0Don’t you? \u00a0The next time an opportunity to give your power away to some one else comes up, remember the words of the Dalai Lama and you’ll walk away a bit taller.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
How I saw myself and how I felt were in the hands of others for the better part of the first four decades of my life. \u00a0I “danced” around the actions and the opinions of every one, desperately trying to be accepted and not rejected. \u00a0What had made me that way is likely owing to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[10,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1330","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reflections-in-the-mirror-you-and-yourself","category-what-i-believe-you-and-your-higher-power"],"yoast_head":"\n