{"id":1321,"date":"2010-11-02T00:49:20","date_gmt":"2010-11-02T00:49:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.womens-spirituality.com\/?p=1321"},"modified":"2010-10-28T00:49:50","modified_gmt":"2010-10-28T00:49:50","slug":"death-came-quietly-in-the-night-to-a-friend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.womens-spirituality.com\/?p=1321","title":{"rendered":"Death came quietly in the night to a friend."},"content":{"rendered":"

On Wednesday night there was a memorial service for a friend who died a week earlier. \u00a0I hadn’t seen Rita all summer because of her health and my schedule, but we go back many years. \u00a0She was one of the first women I hung out with when I came into the 12 step rooms. \u00a0Her presence in my life then was significant in so many ways. \u00a0She made me laugh, a lot<\/strong>, and I needed to learn how to laugh again. \u00a0She saw the screwy side of life with such clarity. \u00a0And she was able to cut to “the chase” when a situation called for it.<\/p>\n

The memory that stands out most for me is when we were both committed to giving up cigarettes. \u00a0I had been a 2+ pack a day person for a number of years. She, along with a number of other women, had come to my apartment to put on an AA meeting when I was too ill to go out. \u00a0It was in December, shortly before Christmas. December 20th, in fact. \u00a0And she had decided that giving the gift of being a “nonsmoker” to her family was the best gift she could offer them.<\/p>\n

I had recently read one of John Powell’s books: He Touched Me<\/strong><\/em>, in which he shared how he had quit smoking by re-thinking who he was. \u00a0Becoming a nonsmoker followed suit the more he thought of himself as that person. \u00a0It was a natural progression, he had said. \u00a0As I read the passages that would speak to Rita about this method, I snubbed out my own cigarette and never picked up another one. \u00a0That was in 1976. \u00a0Rita was not as successful as I was, but her request for help initiated my embarking on this new journey. \u00a0I have always felt blessed to have had that opportunity to share Powell’s story with her.<\/p>\n

But what pleases me even more about this whole experience with Rita is that we called each other a lot, attempting to be supportive as our bodies were adjusting to the absence of nicotine. \u00a0Screaming for it, in fact. My calls were primarily whines about one aspect of my life or another. \u00a0One day my whining got under her skin and she barked, “So what!” \u00a0I was stunned. \u00a0At first hurt but ultimately very grateful because her words snapped me out of the pity-pot cycle I was in. \u00a0I didn’t laugh immediately, but before the day was over I was chuckling about her reaction to me.<\/p>\n

I have thought about that comment hundreds of times over the years. \u00a0I even included the experience in one of the books I wrote. \u00a0It was exactly what I needed to be told and she had the courage to say it. \u00a0I’ll miss Rita’s take on life and her hearty laugh. \u00a0She had many illnesses over the last couple of decades but she kept moving forward, just more slowly. \u00a0I admired her for that. \u00a0She’ll be some one’s “angel on assignment” now that she’s on the other side. \u00a0I firmly believe that whoever gets her will be lucky indeed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

On Wednesday night there was a memorial service for a friend who died a week earlier. \u00a0I hadn’t seen Rita all summer because of her health and my schedule, but we go back many years. \u00a0She was one of the first women I hung out with when I came into the 12 step rooms. \u00a0Her […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[4,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1321","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-circle-of-family-and-friends-you-and-your-personal-community","category-karens-musings"],"yoast_head":"\nDeath came quietly in the night to a friend. | Karen Casey<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.womens-spirituality.com\/?p=1321\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Death came quietly in the night to a friend. | Karen Casey\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"On Wednesday night there was a memorial service for a friend who died a week earlier. \u00a0I hadn’t seen Rita all summer because of her health and my schedule, but we go back many years. \u00a0She was one of the first women I hung out with when I came into the 12 step rooms. \u00a0Her […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.womens-spirituality.com\/?p=1321\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Karen Casey\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2010-11-02T00:49:20+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"karencasey\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"karencasey\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.womens-spirituality.com\\\/?p=1321#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.womens-spirituality.com\\\/?p=1321\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"karencasey\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.womens-spirituality.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/be42ec49697eba07d84ddf86ace97639\"},\"headline\":\"Death came quietly in the night to a friend.\",\"datePublished\":\"2010-11-02T00:49:20+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.womens-spirituality.com\\\/?p=1321\"},\"wordCount\":532,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.womens-spirituality.com\\\/#organization\"},\"articleSection\":[\"Circle of Family and Friends - 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