Changing Our Relationships by Changing Ourselves
How to have loving relationships is a dilemma that generally troubles women more than men. In fact, I think most of us recognize that women "attend to" relationships, particularly heterosexual relationships, far more intently and caringly, than do men. Among some of my friends, the frequent lament is that were it not for the work that we do, there would be very few long term heterosexual relationships in any of our lives.
The steps to establishing relationships that "work," that feel good, is the subject of this article. And these steps are neither mysterious nor complicated. Indeed, they are so simple, some may scoff at them but they can be applied in any relationship.
Far too often we expect others to change so that our relationships improve. No matter how tempting that expectation may be, it's not an option. It never worked even though we may have gone down that road repeatedly. If we want any relationship, regardless of its significance in our lives, to be different, we have to change.
One way to change any relationship instantly is to make the decision to "do no harm" in any situation whether you feel like being kind or not. Then make the same decision two or three more times in succession as practice. We perfected myriad bad habits with little consideration or forethought. We can practice good ones just as easily. Is there any thing more simple than this?
Another way to change a relationship is to release any thought that is causing pain to one's self or others. Our thoughts are hand-picked. Every one of them! And when we change a harmful thought about someone else to one that is loving instead, the relationship changes too.
Which bring me to another key principle in developing better relationships. Don’t force solutions or opinions. Our interactions with others are not as happenstance as they might appear to be. I think we are actors in this "stage play" called life, and our roles are intentional. If we fail to learn "our lines" the first time, we will get the opportunity again, in another "play."
I passed up some opportunities when they first came along. And they came along again. That's the good news. We will never fail to learn what we need to learn. Thus we need not exacerbate the tension in any relationship by trying to force a specific outcome.
Changing ourselves is how we change our relationships, one thought, one action, one moment at a time. Any one of them will be as peaceful and loving as we make up our minds we want them to be. The decision to change them and our lives is ours to make. Now.
0 Comments | March 27, 2004
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