Taking a Stand
This is a piece I wrote for the op ed pages of various newspapers.
My name is Karen Casey and I am an alcoholic. Even though I deeply value the importance of anonymity, in accordance with the Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have decided to reveal my identity as a woman in recovery from addictions who’s life has been spared because of three decades of continuous attendance at AA and other twelve step meetings. The bashing that treatment and twelve step groups have received of late, as the result of the now infamous book, A Million Little Pieces, does a grave injustice to a way of life that has saved millions of addicted people like myself.
This same twelve step way of life has enhanced the lives of innumerable people who have been touched by each addict too. It has been said that every alcoholic or drug addict significantly affects at least 7 other people. I think the figure could easily be higher. But for our purposes here, let’s consider for a moment the generally accepted statistic that one in ten people in this culture is alcoholic or drug addicted. In a country of approximately 270,000,000 people, that’s 27,000,000 who are suffering from a life-threatening disease. (The American Medical Association classified alcoholism as a disease in the 50’s) Now let’s factor in the “significant others” who are also gravely affected by this disease. 27,000,000 times 7 is 189,000,000 people! A pretty hefty number. Wouldn’t you agree?
I am not writing this piece as a personal attack on Mr. Frey, the tale he tells or the methods by which he might be maintaining his sobriety. I simply want to tell another story as a sober proponent of a program for living that does, indeed, work. It has certainly been my experience, evidently unlike Mr. Frey’s, that most people who consistently attend twelve step meetings, rely on God or a Higher Power of their understanding or a 12 step group for strength as well as wisdom, not only do not fail, as he has been quoted as saying; but begin to experience a serenity they had never before imagined as possible. And the serenity we all come to know and cherish, when expressed through our interactions with others, has an impact on the world we inhabit both close at home and in places we will never see.
I was broken, terrified and hopeless when I walked into my first twelve step meeting in 1975. Thoughts of suicide had shadowed me for years. That my life would ever be different seemed beyond belief. Watching men and women laugh and hug and talk freely about experiences that mirrored my own stunned me. I knew I wanted to “look and feel like them,” but never imagined I could. Fortunately, I was told to “keep coming back.” Three decades later I am still “coming back.” It’s no longer because I’m suicidal or afraid for my personal sobriety that I have committed to multiple meetings a week, but because carrying the message of hope to others, as others had carried it to me, is what’s important, to me and them, on a daily basis.
I believe that were it not for men and women like me who keep showing up at twelve step meetings all over this country to share their experience, strength and hope, the 189,000,000 people whose lives have positively changed might once again face the black hole of desperation that had swallowed me three decades ago. Giving hope to others, which is the primary substance of our meetings, is the surest way of continuing to feel hopeful ourselves; just as enumerating our many reasons to be grateful increases our awareness of the new opportunities for gratitude that are vying for our attention.
I have lost some friends during my tenure in “the program,” people who decided they no longer needed the wisdom offered in the rooms of AA and other twelve step programs. I can’t be certain that all who have wandered away have returned to lives of desperation. But I know some have. I also know many have died. I miss them. We all miss them. We miss the hope they once had and we miss the laughter they once shared. My fear is that because of the power of Mr. Frey’s words, words that belie the truth of our disease and how to recover from it, many more men and women may think they no longer need the solution as outlined in twelve step meetings, a solution that has saved millions of lives. I worry that thousands will tragically and unnecessarily die because of A Million Little Pieces and this deeply saddens me.
The disease millions of us have is deadly in isolation. But in groups of like-minded people soberly sharing our experience, strength and hope, we can not only recover but find the peace and happiness each of us mistakenly sought at the bottom of a glass or through any of a hundred other ways of getting high.
It is my hope that something really good might come out of all the media attention that has been freely given to Mr. Frey and his book. I have learned, in three decades of absorbing wisdom from others, that every turn of events has a silver lining if we look for it. I hope that this particular turn of events unwittingly strengthens the willingness and unites the efforts of all of us who believe in the twelve steps as the sure way to get and maintain recovery. I want us, in concert, to demonstrate an even greater commitment to be at meetings, giving away the grace and hope all newcomers deserve. 189,000,000 people are depending on us.
April 8, 2006
